Often I’m surprised at how hard people are on themselves. Talented, accomplished, smart, engaging, sometimes even award-winning people beat themselves up about the things they don’t get done.

Instead of counting the wins for the day, the focus is on what didn’t happen.  I suppose it’s to be expected due to the very qualities these people have. Striving is part of what got them where they are and so perhaps isn’t all bad.

But research also shows that beating ourselves up is counterproductive. (Pardon me if this sounds like one should beat him/herself up for beating up him/herself about getting things done.) The harder we are on ourselves, the more difficult it is to get into the mindset that we can accomplish whatever we set out to do.

I’m on a 30-day sugar fast and have broken it twice. In the past I might have figured that since I messed up the 30-day effort by eating a dessert the entire plan may as well be ditched.  But my habit has been to eat sugar every day.  Sometimes several times a day!  So if I’ve had sugar two days out of the last 15, that’s going to count as a win. And that research mentioned above seems to be backed up.  There’s a level of confidence that I can pass up the valentine candy sitting on the counter. Heck, 13 other days passed with no sugar. Why not today?

I’ve often said, ‘the brain only knows what we tell it,” and this is case in point.  You tell yourself you’re not productive or accomplished enough and lo and behold you won’t be.  Focus on your wins, even if you consider them minor, and you’ll have more of them.  As a lifelong “not enough-er” I’m working on this every day.

Be kind to yourself.  Count the positives. Pat yourself on the back for the thing you did get done. I’m out there cheering you on!

*It’s not really a trick.  It’s an idea.  Just like “secrets” aren’t usually secrets, they’re just ideas you may not have heard yet.

We’ve all been there.  Putting things off that we need to do. It can be a big thing like getting in shape.  Or a small thing like preparing a proposal. We know we’ll be glad if we get started or better yet, get it done but instead of launching into it we either busy ourselves with (relatively) unimportant but less distasteful tasks, or make 38 excuses for why starting later will be just fine.

Now here’s the wierd thing.  Even though we’re putting this thing off because we don’t want to do it or it’s not fun or doesn’t make us feel good, not doing the thing it isn’t fun either. Nor does not doing it make us feel good or make us any happier.

So by putting it off we DOUBLE our crummy feelings.  We still have the dread of the project or task but now we also have the guilt from procrastinating.  Yeah, that stinks.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. Join me for a one-hour webinar — no charge — on February 22.

More information and registration is here.  But space is limited so you probably want to get right on it.  If you know what I mean.

Have you ever felt like you would lose your mind when trying to communicate with a co-worker or family member?

See if either of these scenarios sound familiar…

Scenario #1

You to colleague: “Who should attend the quarterly meeting?”

Colleague: “You, me, Bob, Lisa so she can take notes, Tim. Wait, maybe inviting Tim will broaden the scope too much. Scratch Tim. We should probably have someone from marketing. Who would be the best fit? Greg has a lot of insight but he’s being pulled in a lot of directions”…and the monologue continues for…awhile.

While your colleague is talking you may very well be thinking, “Criminy! I just wanted a list of people to invite. I don’t really need to know your every thought. You sound indecisive and as if maybe you really don’t know the answer. Maybe I should have asked someone else.”

Scenario #2

You to colleague: “Who should attend the quarterly meeting?”

Colleague: Colleague says nothing for what seems like an eternity. It may be just 30 seconds or a minute, but it seems like forever. You begin to wonder if he heard you. The silence is uncomfortable so you rephrase the question and start offering your own ideas.

In the first scenario you may just want them to get to the point. In the second, just ANSWER THE QUESTION. What in the name of all that is efficient is wrong with these people?

Nothing at all is wrong with them. It’s simply a matter of the different ways people process thoughts.

In Scenario #1 the colleague is a “Talk to Thinker”. This is a person who needs to vocalize their thoughts in order to come to the best conclusion. It’s not indecisiveness you’re hearing, it’s simply the thought process they’re going through. They throw an idea out and then brainstorm aloud about whether the idea has merit.

In Scenario #2 the colleague is a “Think to Talker”. They, too, are mulling over the best answer, they’re just doing it silently, in their own head. When they finally speak it will be to share their best answer. If you yammer on through the silence, you may just be an annoying distraction that will cause them to need more time.

Which one are you?

If you are a Talk to Thinker, you’d do well to let people know that.  Simply saying “I’m going to think aloud here for a minute.  That ok with you?” is enough to help the other person understand.

If you’re a Think to Talker, also let the other person know.  Say “I’m going to think for a few seconds to formulate my thoughts, ok?” They know you heard and understood the question and will allow you the quiet time you need.

Recognizing, understanding, and accepting these thought-processing style differences is vital for productive communication.

Too often at networking events it seems as though there is a secret contest for who can collect the most business cards. Which might not be THE biggest or dumbest mistake, but in my business I see what happens to those cards. While intentions may be good, when folks get back to the (busy) office the cards get tossed in an ever-growing pile on the desk — the black hole of undeveloped connections.

(Some folks may be automatically adding them to their email subscriber list, but that’s spam, so I know you’re not doing that.)

What should be happening is that you take the card, you follow up with an email, call or note. You add them to your contact list. Maybe they add themselves to your subscriber list. You make a connection on LinkedIn or perhaps Facebook if that’s your thing. You schedule lunch or coffee in order to begin developing a true business relationship.

If you look at each business card you collect as requiring that much of your time, how many would you take? You’ve only got so much time in a day. Go for quality in relationships not quantity of cards.

Breathe – And by breathe I don’t mean life-sustaining, autonomic, shallow breathing, I mean belly-filling, brain-cleansing breathing. With each breath take in enough air to expand your belly and with each exhale, expel as much breath as you can, pulling in your belly to extract every bit. Breathe in to a count of five and out to a count of five and do it five times. You’ll feel the difference.

Stretch – So much of the workday can be spent immobilized staring at a computer screen. In addition, if you have a stressful job (who doesn’t — a show of hands, please), tension can creep in on little cat paws. You don’t see it coming but at some point you realize you’re holding tension in your neck or shoulders or back. Raise and lower shoulders, do some head rolls, bend forward while sitting or standing, raise your arms over your head, do some side stretches. Take a moment to notice where you are feeling tight and focus on that area. Don’t push too hard, it’s not a contest to see how flexible you can make yourself, just stretch enough to release the tension.

Walk – Doesn’t matter where you work you can take five minutes and walk. Inside your building, around your parking lot, down the street in your neighborhood. Short breaks are uplifting and good for the body and mind. A walk will get your blood flowing and make your brain function better.

Say “No” – Getting comfortable saying no is a skill that pays off in many ways. Pick situations when you truly have a choice (it’s more often than you may think) and practice saying “thank you for thinking of me, but no, that’s not something I can do right now.” If you need to compromise somehow, you can always add, “But here’s what I CAN do.”

Be grateful – Write down three things for which you are grateful. These don’t have to be big things and frankly it’s better if they aren’t. If we can be grateful for a comfortable desk chair and a really delicious cup of coffee, we’re going to be grateful a much greater percentage of the time than if we are grateful for a fabulous vacation.

Volunteer – Volunteering takes our mind off of ourselves – which is a good thing. You can volunteer at a local organization that matters to you or even volunteer to help a colleague who could use a hand. Volunteering in any capacity is good for your spirit and has a way of spreading. A kindness done for others leads to more kindness being passed along.

Be mindful – Whatever you are doing, be fully aware and focused in that moment. Taking your first sip of coffee? Enjoy the warmth of the cup and the aroma, as well as the taste. Composing an email? Tune out everything else and focus on just that one task. Speaking with a colleague? Give that person your full attention.

Notice nature – This can be purposeful or on the fly. Driving to work or walking by a window pay attention to whatever nature you see. Having lunch, pick a seat where you can see outside, or better yet, sit outside. Listen to the sounds, smell the scents. Put a live plant or fresh flowers on your desk. Even for a few seconds, take in whatever nature falls into your line of sight.

Listen to music – Pick some music to suit your mood – or perhaps to change it. Listen to soothing music to reduce tension, upbeat music to re-energize you, or your current favorite song to lift your spirits.

Go on a media fast – Turn off the television and the radio. Stay away from newspapers and avoid online news sources just for a day. The news will keep happening without you and in fact will still be available to you later. This isn’t putting your head in the sand regarding current events as a lifestyle; it’s for a short while. Give your brain a break from all the sensational bad news stories out there.

Declutter – Take a few minutes and clear off a corner of your desk that’s been piling up or a drawer that over-accumulated stuff. Getting rid of stuff feels good. Completing even a small project can have residual positive mental effects for days.

I recenlty asked seven questions in a survey and the responses poured in (which rather surprised me, to be honest).

Each question was framed as an ideal state or condition. For instance, “I have a clear plan for each day and  for the majority of the time I am able to follow that plan.”  Each question had five possible answers which allowed respondents to share the amount of time this ideal state is their reality.  If people answered that they live in this ideal state half of the time or less, I think there’s room for improvement.  If they feel like they’re in that ideal state fairly often or all the time, this is not an area to spend much time trying to improve.

Here is how the numbers came in. For each question I’ve provided two numbers. The top figure represents the percentage of responses being in the ideal state more than half of the time .  The bottom figure represents the percentage of responses indicating being in the ideal state half of the time or less.  The questions are listed in order from most to least challenging situation – based on responses.

1. I have, and use, an efficient and effective process for handling email.
More than half of the time — 19%
Half of the time or less — 81%

2. I am NOT significantly impacted by interruptions during the workday.
More than half of the time — 25%
Half of the time or less — 75%

3. I consistently do the most important tasks first, rather than doing the easy tasks first.
More than half of the time — 29%
Half of the time or less — 71%

4. I am able to focus when necessary and do not feel the need to multitask.
More than half of the time — 29%
Half of the time or less — 71%

5. I am content with how I spend my time, both personally and professionally, and maintain what I consider to be a good work/life balance or blend.
More than half of the time — 38%
Half of the time or less — 62%

6. I have a clear plan for each day and for the majority of the time am able to follow that plan.
More than half of the time — 42%
Half of the time or less — 58%

7. I know where to put my papers and can easily access them when I need them.
More than half of the time — 59%
Half of the time or less — 41%

There you have it. These responses show that while these productivity challenges aren’t universal, they’re extremely common. Misery loves company maybe?

These responses will also help me craft tips targeted to help you make positive changes.  So thanks for helping me help you.

Feels like it sometimes though. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a solopreneur, a small business owner, or work in a large company, it can still feel like you’re on your own to figure out how to get everything done and not sacrifice quality of life in the process.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed. Sometimes paralyzed by the flood of information and tasks that sit on your desk or crowd your brain.

Here are some common challenges:

• Constant interruptions destroying focus
• Feeling the need to multitask in order to get things done
• Managing the endless flood of email
• Feeling like life balance is not achievable

I see these situations all the time and I know there is a better way.

For over 11 years I’ve been working with clients who face these challenges and helping them figure out that “better way.”

I don’t want to brag (but I’m going to anyway). One of my clients said appointments with me promote “mental health – self confidence, optimism, lower stress, joyful productivity.” Comments like that are why I chose this career.

Until Friday, December 9, at 2:00 p.m*. I’m offering a complimentary 30-minute Focused Coaching Experience. You pick a productivity challenge, we’ll address it. Right on the call we’ll address a productivity concern that is bugging you, and come up with a solution or two to fix it.

*Experience needs to be booked by Friday at 2:00 p.m. but not completed in that timeframe.

The 30 minutes you invest will be a powerful start to making 2012 your year of positive change. There’s no charge for the call.

How do you get your Focused Coaching Experience? Simply email me, mary@openspaces4me.com to get the conversation started. But do it before Friday at 2:00 pm CST.

You too can get the “self confidence, optimism, lower stress, joyful productivity” my client mentioned.

E-mail me to book the appointment and LET’S GO!

1. Make it vague. Lots of folks make resolutions like, Get in Shape, or Get Organized or Stay in Touch with Friends.  What the heck do any of those really mean to you? Specificity is extremely important because at some point — on January 2nd perhaps, you’re going to have to dive into this task. If your plan is vague, or non-existent, you won’t know what actions you need to do. And coming up with those actions every day on the fly will be overwhelming and too time consuming.
2. Make it a huge stretch. For instance, a couch potato deciding to complete an Iron Man Triathlon.  Or going from being unemployed to starting your own business and making your first year revenue goal a million dollars. I’m not saying that can’t be done.  Somebody somewhere may have done just that.  But for the majority of people, that kind of goal is just too big of a stretch.  A person has to be extraordinarily motivated and driven to achieve goals of that magnitude.  If you have a history of making these big leaps then go for it, but otherwise you might be better off pulling back a bit and making the goal a stretch but not an extreme one.
3. Make your resolution for the entire year. Whoever said that a resolution has to be for an entire year? That, my friend, is a long time to have looming out in front of you. What about picking a shorter duration like a week, or a month or 45 days.  At the end of that time period you can celebrate your success, maybe take a day off from whatever you’re doing (or not) and then re-commit (or not).
4. Make it complicated and multi-part. For example, deciding to increase your client base, volunteer at your local food bank, exercise 4 days a week, eat healthier, meditate every day and learn to speak Italian.  That’s an awful lot of stuff to be packing into a schedule that’s probably already pretty busy. (Plus, some of those are pretty vague, too.) What about taking just one of those things per month and adding only that one new behavior to your current commitments?
5. Make it do or die. You know what might happen?  You might make a reasonable, thoughtfully planned resolution and do pretty well for a couple of weeks or a month and then stop doing the new thing.  The enthusiasm is gone.  Or maybe you’re not seeing the results — physical, psychological or financial — that you were hoping for.  Who says you can’t re-start? Pick any day and give it a go again. It doesn’t have to be a first day of a month or a Monday. Just start whenever you’re re-motivated. You’re not a failure. Every day of any year is a chance to start again with renewed commitment.
6. Make it lonesome. You may be a lone wolf and in that case going it solo is preferable.  But lots of people do better with a comrade or several.  I’ve been trying to get myself to write every day for several years and finally found the thing that keeps me going.  It’s a website called www.750words.com and everyone on it has a goal to write.  No matter what you want to accomplish I’ll bet there is a group in your community or on the web where you can connect and get as little or as much support as you want.

This is the perfect time to look back on the year and see what worked for you and what changes you resolve to make next year.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, grueling, lonely or all vs. nothing.  Just a little change can make a big difference.

The following is provided by guest blogger, Fred E. Miller, Master Mind Mapper.

Has this ever happened to you?

• You make a list of business things that have to get done.
• You think hard about the importance of each task in the list and try to prioritize items when making the list.

Then you start working on that task list. Suddenly you realize:

• You left something out. So you go back and squeeze it in where you believe its priority should be.
• Whoops! One item is a higher priority than several things above it so you scratch it out and move it in the list or draw an arrow to where you think it should go.
• You end up with a messy, hard-to-read, and hard-to-use, list

Even if youʼre using a word processing program for developing these lists; where cutting, pasting and moving text around is relatively easy, the process is not as efficient as it could be. Black text on a white background is also not very stimulating to our brains.

There is a better way – Mind Mapping!

The problem with making lists in a linear (list fashion) is that weʼre trying to organize thoughts before we develop them. Unfortunately, our brains donʼt work that way. We donʼt always think of first things first.

Perhaps youʼve heard the terms left-brain and right-brain.

Left brain is usually associated with linear thinking. When we think about left brain people, engineers, programmers and accountants come to mind. Right-brained people are the creative types; graphic artists, designers, and salespeople. Neither is good or bad. We all use both sides, but usually have one that is dominant.

Mind Mapping is a visual, nonlinear, brainstorming tool that brings together the linear and creative halves of the brain and mimics the way we really think.

Hereʼs the procedure for Mind Mapping:

1. The main subject is placed in the middle of the document.
2. Sub-Topics (or, for the sake of this discussion, tasks) are then placed in the document in positions radiating from the center.
3. Additional Sub-Topics (called ‘children’ in the world of Mind Mapping) can be added. They radiate from the Sub-Topics.
4. Images can be added. We think in terms of images and associations. Those images will trigger additional images and your mind map will grow and grow.
5. Add colors. Colors allow the grouping of tasks and help bring clarity to the main goal.

Example: One project might be to launch a new website. Tasks could include:

• Review competitive websites and make notes
• Ask for web designer referrals
• Check those referrals
• Brainstorm website contents/pages
• Research shopping carts
• Check their fees and usability

Lists are usually placed, in a linear fashion, on paper or in a computer document, in the portrait mode. Mind Mapping is done with the document in the landscape position. The portrait position is seen by our brains as a linear activity and wonʼt produce as many results.

The larger the surface to work on, the more ideas will be developed. This can also be done on poster board, a large white board, or computer screen. Fewer physical restrictions = more and better results! Sticky notes can be used on a large whiteboard and have the flexibility of being able to be moved around as priorities change and other ideas come to mind. Using a variety of colored sticky notes and colored markers can help group and prioritize ideas.

Mind Mapping software offers the most flexibility plus additional advantages over other Mind Mapping methods.

• Tasks can be moved around according to priority.
• Tasks can be easily grouped according to due date, interdependence, delegation, or by whatever commonality makes sense.
• New tasks can be added, others deleted or modified, easily.
• The tasks can be linked to URLs, documents, and other Mind Maps.
• The entire map can be customized, as the user sees fit, with images and colors.

Going back to our example, below are images of a New Website Task List and a New Website Mind Map.

New Website Task List

Which would be easier to expand upon?

Which would help generate more creative ideas and effective solutions?

For additional information:

• Fred Miller, Master Mind Mapper — www.mastermindmapper.com
• Tony Buzan, “The Mind Map Book”
• Joyce Wycoff, “Mindmapping: Your Personal Guide to Exploring Creativity and Problem-Solving” (book)
• Inspiration Software, http://www.inspiration.com

I suggest Googling Mind Mapping software. Take advantage of the free trials offered.

Try Mind Mapping and I think youʼll agree that it is, “The Swiss Army Knife for the Brain!”

Fred@MasterMindMapper.com

Most people I know, clients and colleagues alike, have more than a handful, sometimes into the dozens of projects they want to be working on right now. In truth, I’m sometimes in that category as well.  A project hoarder.

Problem is, having all those projects on the agenda simultaneously erodes focus, increases stress and reduces productivity. It’s ok to have many projects you want to do, but not as okay to be actively working on a dozen at a time.

Projects are like rolls of toilet paper. You really only need one at the moment you need it.  You really only need one waiting in the wings. And when you do find that you need more, it’s not all that difficult to replenish your stock.